By: Mariam Turkey, Undergraduate Intern
Do you struggle with saying “No” without feeling anxious, guilty, and uncomfortable? Here are some lessons that have affected me.
Over the past year I’ve learned that the words, “Yes” and “No” have so much power to guide my day to day life. Oftentimes, I have a hard time saying “No” because “No” is a hard word for me to hear. I’ve learned that this is one way that my body and brain is protecting me. In psychology, this thinking is called negativity bias. Negativity bias is a cognitive bias that results in adverse events having a more significant impact on one’s psychological state than positive events. This often amplifies negative experiences and causes their impact to linger quite a bit. I tend to equate saying no to disappointing and hurting others, this causes that uneasy feeling along with feelings of guilt. And yet, I’ve recognized that being able to know when to say no is an important part in establishing boundaries with those in my life. These small words help establish boundaries as well as reinforce my self-discipline.
It’s no doubt saying no is difficult at times, but by being clear about my “No,” sticking to my decision and remembering the reasoning behind my “No,” things eventually got easier with time. Another note to consider that also resonates with me; saying “No” can be an answer all by itself. Oprah Winfrey said it best, “‘No’ is a complete sentence.” Gaining this perspective has been everything for me. In some cases, I’ve looked at situations through a different light and this has helped with the process of accommodating my own needs. Instead of looking at a situation through a lens of guilt by saying “No,” I can look at it through the lens that my saying “No” to someone else is saying “Yes” to myself.
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